Moments of my childhood von mie-van-cha ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: Part 1 ----------------- Everything has a sense. Itachi often said that. Often then when I was another opinion. He had always to contradict. Then I stared at him, my head in the neck, saw in his dark eyes and sulked. I rarely discussed with him. I knew how poor my arguments were. I never want to fight with him. He was my brother after all. I loved him as much as my mom or my dad. Sometimes, when he spent his time with me, beside all his important missions, we did some things together. We went to the lake, or had a little walk in the forest, or he played with me. I enjoyed these hours, though there weren’t a lot. When I close my eyes today, I can feel everything. Just like I am there. The leaves, which weigh in the breeze, the chirp of the birds, the rush of the water. I even smell the thousands of scents, which were around. If I would, I could still feel the crawl in my stomach, when he had swirled me around in the air, that I had to squeak loud out. And his cheerful laugh. It was rare, that he showed some of his emotions, and I was one of these less persons, which ever saw him so. He has always been different to me. In our village he was called “Fridge”. But you had to know Itachi very well, to see, what he liked, and what not. He had a so especially expression in his eyes then… *** He sensed something was wrong with his little brother. His brain told him it was because of the Missions and the stressing time, but his heart told him something else. Sasuke had often stared at him with those eyes, but in the last weeks he often had this bitterly look. When he asked for something, he never said Itachis name. Always he saw to the right or to the left, but never direct in his big brothers face. More than one time, Itachi had the feeling, that Sasuke noticed something. Sometimes, when his foolish little brother believed himself alone, he cried like a little baby. Itachi often heard his suffers. Silent and oppressed. *** I’m standing in the shadows, the face glancing bored to the side. The full moon glows through a small opened window. I have to pretend this look, yet it hurts like burning ice. I really can’t believe what I’ve done, but I haven’t had another choice. I’m a murderer. A monster. No way to doubt it. The corpses at my feet are proof enough. And all because of him. My little brother. Sasuke. I sense the tears in my eyes. I hate crying so much. I’m so weak then. And I can’t avoid this feeling. Not in this situation. If you would ask me why, I wouldn’t be able to give an answer. Perhaps I don’t know, too. All began a so long time ago. Nah, not so long. Seven months, not more. Our Family, the famous Uchiha-Clan was in danger, and I was the only one, who knew it, able to rescue us from our destiny. But at this moment I didn’t realize, that it would claim victims. Much faster than I wanted to I had to decide. My brother, or the whole clan. I never liked my dad as much as my mom. He never understood me, and more than one time I have had the feeling, that he observed me. In Moments like this I thought he was jealous. But why? Did he really thought, that my power and my talent was a blessing? If it was so, he was wrong. It was far worse. It’s hard to meet all this expectations. You had never the chance to make a mistake. And you had to pretend your unimpeachable side for every hour the day. Often my dad said when I had fun with Sasuke that I had to protect my dignity and my honor. He had never an interest in me, just in my ability and gifts. And Mom never made a noise, when Dad claimed something like that. Even though she was my mother, I had never a so close bond with her. So it was easy for me. Sasuke means more to me than any other person in this damned world. But he wouldn’t understand my deeds. He loves our parents. And his love to me would give him the feeling that I betrayed him. I know how his mind goes. He wouldn’t believe me. He would cry, and he would run away. He would hate me. I’m frightened of this. He is the only one in this world who really loves me, not because I’m so talented. Because I am like I am. Even this very thought makes me suffer. But it will become much more cruel. I feel that. In all those years I had learned when something was done or when it goes on and becomes more and more awful. The noise of a door clicking shut confirm my prediction. I look up. My little brother stands in front of me and my heart misses more than one beat. An unpleasant silence fills the air. I don’t know what to say, and I know, Sasuke will believe what he sees, not what he hears from me. He stares at me, with his dark eyes, much purer than mine. Than he looks down, to the corpses at my feet. And the blood. I curse me for that. That his innocent soul must take this. I want to go to him. Hug him and tell him, that I’m sorry. I want to apologize. I want, that he understands, that he understands me and my destiny, our destiny. But I must play my role. Standing here and acting like I’m not caring about that. It’s better for him, my Master said. And he didn’t mean Sasukes mental condition. “Ita – “ His voice comes out in a squeak and my heart tears into pieces. He begins to tremble. His whole small body becomes to shiver. I struggle so hard. I’m not allowed to give in. I must pretend my calm and destroy his life. Yet I don’t know whether it was a good decision to let him alive. To let him have this moment. He must live with this image all his life. And I feel so sorry. But my order is clear. “Sorry, Sasuke…” I whisper and know that I had decided wrong. I’m on the wrong side. I hurt the wrong one. My cold fingers touch my Shuriken and all I’m able to think of is: He’s innocent. Sasuke is innocent. Forgive me, little brother. Please, forgive me… Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)