Mass Effect: Eurydice von Bint-Lilith ================================================================================ Kapitel 5: Worries unsettled, Heartache unresolved -------------------------------------------------- Sighing Liara exited the elevator that had brought her to the Embassies. Instead of walking directly to Udina's office she took a left and sat down on a bench where she could look down at the Citadel. Shepard would not arrive soon anyway since she went to visit Kaidan. Liara had felt frustrated at Shepard's behaviour after the Mars mission. It was understandable that Shepard was scared for Kaidan but her panicking upsetted Liara. It was obvious to everybody how Shepard was feeling for Kaidan and it made Liara feel miserable. When they were on Mars Shepard would only have eyes for Kaidan. Liara had hoped that after the way the Major had treated Shepard on Horizon she would have stopped feeling for him. Shepard would not talk about the incident. It was Garrus who had told her about Kaidan's reaction to the reunion with the Commander. It had disgusted Liara. How could he not be utterly happy that Shepard had returned? How could he claim that he had loved her when he clearly did not care for her. Kaidan did not deserve the devotion Shepard had for him. Not at all. What had Kaidan ever done for Shepard? Nothing but abandoning and hurting her. It was true that Kaidan had grown as a soldier. He had become capable. But still. Why him? Why not her? After all it was Liara who had found Shepard's body and turned her over to Cerberus. It was her who could not imagine a life without Shepard. Not even death sufficed to make her stop caring. She would do anything for Shepard. What would Kaidan do? Nothing. No. He did not deserve Shepard. Not a bit. Liara remembered how she started falling in love with the Commander. Never had she met such an intriguing person. Determined, affectionate, salient. Seeing inside her mind was the greatest experience Liara had ever lived until then. When Shepard had turned her down because she was interested in the Lieutenant Liara had been very disappointed. Nevertheless she had tried to be happy for her. And when she saw their love blooming, how happy Shepard had been, it was easy for her to be happy, as well. But when Liara learned that Kaidan had let her down, she had lost all respect for the man and hoped that Shepard would, too. But she never did. Shepard had stayed loyal to Kaidan. All along. And whatever Liara had attempted had never been noticed by Shepard. By now Liara almost felt hatred for the man. Hatred and envy because it was him the Commander wanted. Liara felt ashamed because of these negative emotions she felt towards Kaidan. When he was lying in the medbay and Shepard was suffering agony for his well-being a small part of Liara wished he would not make it. She was scared by herself. She knew his death would hurt Shepard beyond measure. Maybe even break her. So she tried to banish these wicked thoughts from her mind. Primarily she was wishing for his recovery. For Shepard's sake, for the war's sake and even for his own sake. But as much as Liara struggled the jealousy would not leave. Liara saw the elevator's doors open and a both relieved and melancholic looking Shepard walking out. Kaidan would recover. “Ready to face the council?“, Shepard smiled at her. The asari nodded in a serious manner. “Let's go.“ *** The council had been another disappointment. 'A fool's errand' Tevos had called Liara's work on the blueprint and Shepard's plan. Everything was going south and the council was only concerned for their own world's well-being. At least the turian councillor Sparatus had tried to accommodate them. So Palaven was their next destination. Liara sat in her office on the Normandy analyzing the data EDI and her had gathered again and again without new results. Sighing she buried her face in her hands. “You seem troubled, Dr. T'Soni“, Liara's VI Glyph interrupted her thoughts. “Yes, Glyph. It's the blueprint. I don't seem to make any progress and it bothers me. I forwarded the information to the Turian Councillor. We will need his support.“ “Maybe you should take a rest, Dr. T'Soni.“ Liara smiled wearily. “I shall visit the Commander in her cabin. I need to talk to her.“ Shepard's cabin was on the first floor of the ship. She had the floor for herself and the cabin was the size of a small apartment. The new Normandy was bigger in general. Compared to the first one the ship was like a station. Liara's office was of noticeable size as well, but it was Shepard's ceiling Liara envied a little. Shepard could gaze out at the galaxy while lying in her bed. Liara imagined herself lying next to Shepard on the bed, watching the stars in joint silence. She smiled at the idea. What wouldn't she give to make it reality? “Liara, can I help you?“, Shepard greeted her with a weak voice as Liara entered the cabin. Shepard kept an open door policy and since her cabin door wasn't locked Liara thought she was free to talk. Shepard looked pale and exhausted. Her brown hair was tangled, her eyes were weary, dark circles had formed around them. It concerned Liara seeing the Commander so worried. She wondered if it was because of Kaidan or because of all the circumstances. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude, Shepard. Were you sleeping?“ Shepard stretched her back and gestured Liara to sit down at the couch in the living room part of her cabin. “It's okay, you didn't wake me. I couldn't sleep anyway.“ Liara seated herself and watched the Commander before she  started speaking. “I've been forwarding the information on the Prothean device to the Turian Councillor. We would need his support but he's not acting until the Turian Primarch is safe.“ “I know“, Shepard's eyes were almost lifeless. She looked so tired it alarmed Liara.   “Are you alright, Shepard?“ “Yes. A little restless, that's all. I'm not sleeping good lately.“ Liara wished to embrace the Commander and give her some comfort but she did not dare to be so impudent. “What else is bothering you, Shepard?“ Shepard closed her eyes and sighed. It took a while before she finally replied. “Kaidan... He almost died on Mars“, her voice faltered. “People around me have a tendency to get hurt. Or worse“, she looked at her feet and fidgeted with her fingers. “Shepard... Kaidan's a soldier. He knows the risks. So do you“, it ached Liara seeing Shepard hurting so much. She remembered how her jealousy made her wish Kaidan would not survive so she can have Shepard for herself. She felt ashamed again, better say disgusted at herself. “Kaidan is strong. He will pull through. You don't have to worry. If it wasn't for you we would all probably been dead by now.“ Shepard looked up again. A little spark in her deep hazel eyes. “You're right, Liara. Thank you.“ “You really care deeply about him, don't you?“, Liara said with a longing almost hurting smile. Shepard nodded slowly. “Do you still love him, Shepard?“ There was a long dreadful silence. Liara felt it was hard to breathe. She could feel her heart pounding against her chest. She feared Shepard's answer, wishing she would say that her love for Kaidan had ceased. “I do“, then Shepard stated disillusioning Liara. “Even if he has moved on and doesn't feel the same anymore. But for me nothing's changed. It doesn't feel like almost three years have passed, you know? When I woke up at the Cerberus base all I could think of was him.“ Liara made a painful expression. Of course. What a fool she was. How could she hope Shepard's feelings would change? The Commander was not volatile concerning her feelings. She would probably love Kaidan forever. Just as Liara would love Shepard. “Well, love is not a victory march.“ Shepard gave her a questioning look. It was not Shepard and Kaidan's love Liara was talking about. She got up off the sofa and stepped up to Shepard. Smiling she gently place her hands on Shepard's upper arms. “I'm sure he will be okay, Shepard. He will make it. And he will see what you really are and what strong love you bear for him. Don't be afraid.“ Liara saw the warmth returning to Shepards eyes. Her full but pale and chapped lips forming into a frail smile. “That is very kind, Liara.“ As much as Liara was pining away with sorrow she knew it was hopeless and she had to surrender. This was not a farewell, yet it felt like it. “I guess I should let go.“ “Let go?“ Shepard stared at her in confusion? “Of what?“ When Liara formed her lips to answer Specialist Traynor walked in. “Commander Shepard. I'm specialist... Oh, I beg you pardon. I... um...“ “I was just leaving“, Liara said a little relieved and walked away. She wanted for Shepard to be happy. She really did. Still she could not suppress the tears that were forming in her eyes. Shepard's confession was no surprise however hearing her expressing the words had hurt Liara. After all these years a small hope had remained within Liara and she felt the illusion now shattering. A cold and a darkness surrounding her. She could not let it overwhelm her. If she loved Shepard she should let her go but stay by her side as her loyal friend. For now she had to concentrate on the Reapers. And on the little project she was working on for the Commander. Thinking of the project made Liara smile. Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)