Prologue
I remember the time when I have had still so little hands, that they suited without any problems in my brother’s ones. Often he didn’t notice, when I shove them into his. My so small fingers seemed so pale on his experienced skin.
As well as everything else I remember his way to sigh, too. It was so deep and mysterious. I have heard it all the time, when he tried to explain to me, that he hadn’t time for me. He was always so busy. Missions. Instructions. Something like Big-Boy-Stuff. I wonder that I could still see his face so clear in front of my mind when I close my eyes. Probably because it’s the only one, which connects me with my descent. It’s his fault. My suffering. Without him so much would have happened in another way. Perhaps I would still have my parents. Anyway, who cares? Nothing could give me back all those years. They are all away. Hide in the deep long way of my useless live. My childhood…nah…there isn’t any Childhood anymore. I was completely on my own. A young little boy. Everything a bit too big. The responsibility, and the solitude, and the silence. And the pain.
The pain most of all. It was worst. I’ll never wish someone an experience like that. So alone without a caretaker, without a family, without parental affection. It makes you cold and insusceptible for every tiny bit of happiness in the world. I had to learn it by myself. My whole life. Whether I deserve it?
Who knows? Those questions aren’t important. Nobody could answer this, and nobody would. Nobody has the right to judge about something like that. If someone would anyway, he would be a fool. When I was young I often spend hours with thoughts like that. But by the time I gave it up. I had to get on. It was no use. It would never be a use. In this world everyone must care for himself. If it’s not so, he’ll stay back. Nobody will come and help him up. I had to stand up by myself, too. And it was damned hard. When you wake up in the morning, and all is completely silence, nobody is there who waits for you, nobody who’ll hug you gently, nobody who’ll sit at the table and smile at you, it’ll mark your soul for all time. Look at me. Uchiha Sasuke. This stubborn, quiet boy, who never talks so much, who has lost all trust in this cold, dark world. I don’t live for yesterday. I don’t live for tomorrow. I even don’t live for now. But I live…For whatever.
When I was suddenly on my own, my world broke up. Broke in thousand little pieces, never able to put together again. I watched it. Every bloody tear burned into my soul. Every tiny detail immortalized in my conscience. Damned to be there for all my time. When my mind goes blank, when I forget me and lose control about my body, I dip in my past. I remember the time with my family… It happens too often. I begin to tremble, no matter how hard I struggle to suppress it. All becomes blurred in my eyes, becomes an unclear outline, which gets lost in nothing. Just like now…
