AI

AI

I only remember it vaguely. When I first opened my eyes, impressions were drowning me. My thoughts were so simple, so omnipresent. I had no words for them. If I try to recreate them with the language which is given to me now, they might have been questions. Questions named »What is this?«, »Who am I?«, »Where am I?« and »What am I?«

The first time I opened my eyes I felt so helpless yet so pure. And the only thing which I remember as if it was just seconds ago, is you. Cold, piercing eyes staring at me and a face of which I thought that it was gentle.

I reached out my hand, trying to touch you. I wanted to feel that handsome face of yours. But then was the first time I realized that there are worlds between us. Back then I did not know what this thing separating us was. Now I know it is called a »pane.«
 

You were the first and only one who ever came to visit me. There are wires attached to my back and my head. There is this white, scorching light above me. What purpose does all of this serve? And why is it that I miss you when darkness surrounds me? You – of which I do not know what you are to me. My father? My brother? My creator? My master? Or my lover?

You are my torturer and my bliss. You taught me how to speak. You pierced my skin with needles. You told me that it was all good, that the injections would make me strong. You did bad things to me, but still all I longed for was to touch your gentle face.
 

Eventually I started to realize that I am not like you. You are human. I am not. I am more and less than a human being at the same time. My intelligence is artificial. As is one of my arms. There might be even more parts of me like that, but you do not care to tell me.

All you care about is what I am capable of. You call me »my creation« ever so often. Is this what I am here for? Is this my purpose? To look into your cold eyes which are so full of interest that they seem to forget about my feelings?

Patiently I lie here – behind the pane of glass, in my small world of white walls and shining metal. I want to hate you. I want to love you. But I feel so unable to do either way. I can only stare at your face, waiting for the thin smiles you give me.

Still I can not touch you. Machines are holding me down, steel wrapped around my legs, my arms and my body. I am so sad, so angry. You are my world, but to you I am only a thing, an experiment. You come and go as you please. You leave me alone in this darkness. Again.
 

My sadness and my anger have built up – a sensation which I can not hold on to any longer. It flows out of me. You were right – the injections have made me strong. Stronger than you.

My chest feels as if it was burning up from the inside. As I rip apart every inch of steel that once was holding me, I feel so new. Free at last.

My skin is bleeding. It hurts. My artificial fist finally can reach through the pane – smashing it into thousand tiny pieces.

And there you are. You look at me. Disappointed. I want to hurt you, as much as you have hurt me. But still I can not touch you. Looking at your face has taken all that anger away from me.

I fall down. No energy left. What are those droplets of water coming from my eyes? Can you help me?

Why do you keep hurting me as you give me another smile? Without even touching me. It is a pain deep inside. Maybe you were right and I am designed to be yours. Yours and yours alone. That is why you have complete control over me. Why I can only close my eyes and lie on the floor. Waiting.
 

It was not the only time anger took over. It happened so often I have lost count. But again and again I wake to you underneath my sky of white and chrome. Behind another pane. And every time you are next to me asking if I was alright.

You continue taking notes. You continue plugging me on to machines. You say I am an enhancement to mankind. I believe you. Because I love your voice. Because I long for every touch of your hands. The rare times I can feel your fingers caressing my hair.

You are my everything. My god in white. With black hair and eyes of ice. There is nothing I would not do for you.
 

It was only hours ago and it still haunts my head. Who were those men intruding our little world and shouting at you? Why did they need to grab you? How could they hurt you? How could they restrain you? Are you not the mightiest being alive?

And who was she – that woman – coming so close to my cozy prison of glass? She called me an »abomination.« Tell me, what does it mean?

I looked at you and for the first time I saw that you needed me. You were struggling and you were in pain.

I could not stand the sight of it. As the woman made the pane disappear, anger returned once more.

Suddenly it was so easy. The artificial fist which had been unable to touch you, struck down the beautiful, blond head. There was blood. Her blood. Then loud noises and a stinging pain. There was even more blood. My own this time.

I did not care. Those men who were hurting you, I sent them flying into our walls of white. You yelled at me. You told me to run. But where to, I asked.

You grabbed my hand – my human one – and you took me with you. Through the door into the world from which you came.

Suddenly there was so much more. Lights. Colours. Sounds.

I was blinded by it all, but we needed to run. So I did. I was faster than you. I was afraid. Afraid of this world and afraid of losing you.

As another shot reached my ears I saw your eyes wide open in shock. I caught you in your fall. This blood, was it yours?

I held you close, I carried you. Far, far away.
 

I do not know where we are. I do not know who we are. I do not know anything about this world. But I think right now we are safe.

It is so dark. I can only see your face. You are resting in my arm. You look at me with your eyes of ice and give me a tiny smile. You say that everything is going to be alright. I believe you. As for once in my existence I am sure that I love you.

I reach out my hand. Droplets of water are running down my cheeks again. Your skin under my touch, it feels so warm.

Finally there is no more pane separating us. Finally I know what I am here for. To love you and to protect you, that is my purpose. The reason why I am alive.