Chapter 7
Mom’s imploring gaze bored into Hifumi while both hovered at the front door of her apartment.
“You’re sure you want to do this?”
“Yes Mom. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you really sure? You can still wait a week or two…”
Hifumi vehemently shook her head in defiance.
“I’ve already been gone for over two months. I can’t let myself fall behind any more…”
Mom kept gazing at her in worry, Hifumi already trying for the tenth time to split herself from her. Another five weeks had passed now since her first time running. She had returned to the field every day, Anders making her do the same routine over and over until he noticed her beginning to get used to it, adding another lap in response and a repeat in the evening. She felt completely drained after each session at first, often requiring Anders to take her on his back again. It was becoming clear though already after these few weeks that her endurance had increased. She no longer panted for breath after the first lap, finding it easier every day to carry herself through the apartment without feeling lethargic. Her pride over her improvement had culminated in her now assisting Anders with meals. It had become a fun project between them to test who could cook the better food, though Hifumi still restrained herself to not risk becoming too exhausted. She could also perform activities for a lot longer before needing to sleep, having helped immensely with reorganizing her sleep rhythm for the day. Before, she’d fall asleep numerous times, causing her to often wake up in the night with little to do but read or play with Sojiro. Now however, she felt ready to at least enter her workplace again.
“Come on... I’m going to be late…”
“Oh no, at least not before you get your lunch box!”
“Lunch box?”
She had completely forgotten about making one, having been too eager to go to work. At the same time as Mom mentioned it, Anders came from the kitchen, a wrapped box in his hand and a note in the other:
- Yumiko is right, you need something to strengthen yourself, Ms. Takimoto. I made you a lunchbox for today that should keep you energized for the day. Should you not feel well though, please do not hesitate to contact Yumiko so she can pick you up. I will be at the hospital and therefore unable to attend to you until this afternoon.
“I still worry about her Hachiken!” Mom complained, “Should she really go already? It hasn’t been that long after the…”
- Yumiko, this is Ms. Takimoto’s decision. If she thinks it’s the right choice to go, then we should not stop her. If she overexerts herself, then you know we have the best people for the job on the phone.
“Still, should we…?”
- It will be fine. I shall drive Ms. Takimoto myself to the company and see that she arrives safely. You can rest assured.
It looked like Mom still had something to say, but she let it go with a deep sigh.
“Oh fine, I can’t stop my grown daughter from making her own decisions. But be careful, you hear me?”
“Yes Mom, I will.” Hifumi said with no small amount of relief in her voice. Anders gave a grin, before removing the apron he wore and putting his own shoes on. He handed her the lunch box and opened the apartment door, letting her out first while he waved farewell to Mom. She remained at the doorway until they began descending the stairs, Hifumi unable to hide a proud smile on her face as she recognized her body being finally able to walk down them without feeling unstable. Her first attempt had been disastrous, Anders having to rescue her from falling down the flight and breaking her neck.
They soon reached the car and began the drive to Eagle Jump, Anders occupying his hands with driving while Hifumi looked out through the window. It truly felt weird to finally be heading to work after so long. She was unsure if she was even able to hold the tablet pen properly. Yet she couldn’t let herself be weighed down by the fear of returning. She had bills to pay, after all. Her savings had saved her these last few months, but money was growing tight. She never mentioned this to Mom, but she had to begin work again before she was in serious trouble.
It felt like a drive around the corner, yet they soon ended up at a very familiar street. She peeked through the window and noticed the sign of Eagle Jump ahead, along with a small group below the sign. Her eyes widened a bit as she recognized Aoba, Hajime, Jun and Yagami, all of them busied in conversation while taking occasional glances around them. Anders stopped the car a good stretch further down, turning to Hifumi and giving a pained smile while writing:
- I can only take you this far. Don’t forget your lunch box and your tablets.
“I won’t. Are you sure you want to…?”
One look from him sufficed as an answer. She sighed and gripped the car door, when a sudden wave of anxiety hit her. She felt her breath become shorter and more ragged, her fear over the suddenness only worsening the attack. Yet as she fought against it, she felt Anders’ hand on her shoulder, his gaze warm and comforting as he mouthed a word.
Breathe
She immediately began her routine, her heart rate and breathing returning to normal after a few excruciating minutes. Once she felt calm again, she remained seated, her mind filled with questions why she suddenly reacted like that. She had so far only experienced these attacks during her hospital stay. As if reading her mind, Anders wrote an answer for her:
- Since your time in hospital, you’ve been largely free of constant human contact, spare me and the hospital staff. In addition, all the visits you’ve received up to this point have been from friends and only in small groups. The prospect of entering a building full of people on your own can have caused your mind to subconsciously panic.
“I... I see.”
She felt ashamed. Ashamed that all her hard work up to this point to recover had been seemingly for naught. She thought herself as better, as someone beyond the stage she had been at before. Reliving this anxiety began to drag her down the spiral of depression.
Her dark mood was washed away when a warm hand touched her arm, looking up to see Anders at the other end. The smile he showed this time was somewhat different this time. It felt warmer, less pretentious.
- You don’t have to worry. These small attacks will likely happen often enough in the future, most without warning. It is an unfortunate side-effect of your recovery, the fear of anything happening that might stress you out. Should something happen again like now though, just stick to what we practiced. Breathe and imagine something comforting.
Hifumi let a memory of her first week with Sojiro rise to the surface, the happiness she had felt during those days lifting her spirits again. She waited until the memory had removed the last of her hesitation, before flashing Anders a sweet smile.
“Thank you. Again... for everything.”
He grinned while trying to hide a small tinge to his cheeks, the sight enough to make her giggle. She eyed the car door once more, before taking hold and opening it in one swift movement. She exited quickly so she could close the door and have him depart without anyone catching sight of her at first. She watched Anders’ car fade into the distance, passing by Yagami’s group without so much as anyone glancing at him. Giving a sigh of relief, she took a few deep breaths and began to walk towards the others, Aoba already having noticed her.
“Hifumi!” she called out, jumping over excitedly in large steps that still equaled only a normal step for Anders. Hifumi couldn’t suppress a smile as the pig-tailed girl came to a stop before her.
“You’re really here! I was so worried when I heard you were planning on starting work already. You sure…?”
Before she could finish the sentence, Hifumi gathered her courage and interrupted:
“Yes, Aoba, I’m fine. I want to see how well I can still work after two months. Thanks for coming to pick me up.”
Aoba’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before she broke out into a endearing grin.
“Alright! Come on, everyone’s waiting!”
Hifumi nodded as they walked over to the building, the rest already awaiting them. Halfway there though, Aoba commented:
“You look... different somehow, Hifumi.”
“What?” she said, slightly taken aback by the comment. She worried at first whether her scar was visible somehow through her clothing when Aoba elaborated:
“Well, it’s like you’re...more determined now. You walk more confidently as well than... before. Have you been training?”
Hifumi was about to circumvent the issue when she almost got tackled by Hajime.
“Hey there!”
“Alright, reel it in Hajime.” Jun said while pulling at her jumper, “You’re going to scare her.”
“Oh…” Hajime looked genuinely remorseful for a second, before Hifumi butted in:
“It’s fine, Hajime. It’s good to see you.”
Now the rest of the group gazed at Hifumi in astonishment, Yagami breaking the silence:
“What’s happened with you, Hifumin? You sound so much more... confident.”
Her comment irked Hifumi a slight bit, who retorted with a pout:
“Is it weird that I’m confident about coming back to work?”
“Wha...no, no, not at all. Just weird to see you like this, that’s all.”
It was clear Yagami felt awkward now, Hifumi however unable to do anything else but giggle.
“It’s alright, I’m not mad. Come on, I want to see my desk again after all this time.”
Nobody argued against it, instead asking her a plethora of questions that she struggled to keep up with all the way up to the office. By the time they reached the sliding doors, she was well and truly out of breath. Everyone seemed to grasp it, keeping their words to themselves as she took her first few steps into the company, only to come across Rin and Hazuki mired in conversation. Both their faces exploded in joy when they caught sight of Hifumi, Hazuki rushing in and giving her a soft hug.
“Welcome back, Takimoto. Are you better?”
Hifumi gave a nod as she split from Hazuki, staring directly into her eyes.
“Yes, Hazuki. I’m glad to be back.”
Hazuki’s eyebrow raised itself by a small margin, though she didn’t comment.
“I see. That’s wonderful to hear. Your workplace has been cleaned so you don’t have to worry about picking up behind yourself. Me and Rin were just discussing what to let you help with for today.”
“Did something change in the plan?”
“Well,” Rin began while nervously scratching her chin, “the producer was beside himself with worry when he heard about your accident. So while you were recovering, he began making some rather …’eccentric’... requests to change the work pace. He said that he had been letting us work for too long for too little, so he forced us to restrict our work hours.”
“What?” Hifumi exclaimed in shock, “but that means…”
“Yep.” Yagami popped up behind her, “We’re not allowed to work for longer than seven hours in the day. Which means things like my all-nighters are a thing of the past. I don’t even get to discuss it with him, he’s that adamant about it. If I try to stay, he sends security after me.”
The word ‘security’ astonished Hifumi. It seemed that, after the scare over the cyber-attack, Eagle Jump had instated some new safety measures. Rin picked up the conversation from Yagami:
“This means also that we’re falling behind schedule for when we planned to release the game. We’ve tried everything to get the producer to return to normal hours, but he’s refusing all suggestions.”
“This...this is all because of me…” Hifumi mumbled while she began to tremble. As if sensing her distress, everyone began to crowd, bombarding her with comments:
“No, it’s not your fault!”
“Yeah, it’s the stupid Producer who’s not listening!”
“He’s causing us to fall behind and he doesn’t realize that!”
Hifumi’s mind began to spin as she tried to organize the voices, her heart rate increasing sporadically again. She knew what to do though and raised both hands while having her eyes closed, exclaiming with as much authority as she could conjure up:
“Everyone, be silent please!”
They shut up straight away, even Hazuki looking shocked at her outburst. Hifumi began her routine again, repeating it a couple times before her heart calmed down. Once she was satisfied, she opened her eyes and faced the rest with renewed determination. She had made her mind up.
“I’m going to go talk to the Producer. Please let me through.”
“What are you...?” Hazuki began asking, before being interrupted:
“I want to tell him that I’m perfectly fine and that he doesn’t need to take out his concern on others just because he is worried about me. So please, let me go see him, Hazuki. He should be in today, right?”
“W-well, yes, but…” Hazuki stammered, before again flinching at Hifumi’s confident smile.
“Then let me see him. I don’t want to burden this company with my problems any longer. If you would.”
Hazuki looked ready to say more, before deflating and nodding to her to come along. Hifumi sensed the eyes of nearly everyone in the company watch her as she made her way, only to stop when a familiar voice echoed to her right:
“Wait a minute, Takimoto.”
She turned to see Umiko stand at the entryway to the Programming Team, Nene nowhere to be found. She waited patiently as the tanned woman scrutinized every inch of her, feeling the pressure of her gaze yet not bending before it. She was glad that all the training she was carrying out with Anders had not only given her the strength to move properly again, but also given her the confidence to face people directly without feeling immediately pressured.
Umiko’s eyes slowly centered themselves on Hifumi’s own, before a smile crept up on her face.
“I see you’ve grown up. What a good stance you have right now.”
Hifumi didn’t answer, merely nodding in confirmation. Umiko’s smile widened as she turned around and waved a hand.
“I have nothing to say to someone so determined. I guess it’s true that people are reborn when close to death. You are looking wonderful today, Takimoto.”
Hifumi blinked, before gratitude welled up inside her and she bowed.
“Thank you, Umiko.”
“You can call me Ahagon.”
Hifumi thought she had misheard.
“W-what?”
“You heard me. I’ve given you special permission. Be thankful, there aren’t many I permit to do this. Now go speak with that damned producer, I can’t finish anything these days thanks to his stupid hour restraints.”
Momentarily stunned, Hifumi slowly recovered and bowed once more before following a dumbfounded Hazuki to the Producer’s office. Hazuki knocked on the door before announcing:
“Producer, I’ve come with Takimoto. She wants to speak to you.”
A nasally voice behind the door exploded with unbridled energy:
“Then let her in damn it!”
Hifumi cringed a bit as she fought against the decibels, Hazuki looking oddly used to this response.
“Very well, sir. Takimoto, you can go.”
Hifumi nodded, taking hold of the door knob and about to open the door when Hazuki’s voice echoed once more:
“And please, take care of yourself. He can be...intense at times.”
Hifumi had guessed as much from the first time she heard his voice, but she gave Hazuki a grateful nod and turned the knob, entering the darkened office and closing the door behind her. The moment the door clicked, the light in the room turned on with full intensity, blinding her momentarily while the voice from before called out:
“My dear Takimoto! It’s so good to see you!”
She squinted through the light to recognize a man seated at a metal table across the room from her, occupying less than half the chair with his spindly figure. His fingers were more akin to skin-colored sticks, reaching out like the branches of palm trees. The thin spectacles that decorated his angled face didn’t suit him in the least, almost falling off his face while he repeatedly adjusted them on his way towards her. The fact that he stopped himself midway and retreated told her enough of how he regarded her. Unwilling to let herself be looked down at, she instead marched over to him and extended her hand.
“Producer. It is good to finally meet you. Pardon my absence.”
The producer gazed at her in astonishment, before slowly taking her hand and shaking it, albeit so he stood as far away as possible.
“No, the pleasure’s mine! I’m glad to see you up and about! I’d feared the worst when I heard about your situation!”
“I noticed. If possible, could we... sit down?”
He flashed another smile before waving her past, Hifumi seating herself on a comfortable armchair with a small sigh of relief. The producer sat down on his own recliner, an intrigued expression dancing on his face.
“So, Takimoto, how can I help you? Is there anything in your workplace that you require or some form of refreshment? Just mention it and I’ll have it brought to you!”
Hifumi cringed slightly at his continued high volume, but cleared her throat and soldiered on:
“Since I’m here, there is something I wanted to...discuss.”
“Ask away, Takimoto! I am always available for my employees!”
Raising an eyebrow in surprise, Hifumi sent out her question:
“Why do you push so hard to tread around the truth, Producer?”
His bright expression froze in an instant, evidently not having expected her to catch on. Hifumi thanked Anders for teaching her how to more closely examine people’s emotions based on their expression. It had been a small game for them to perform when relaxing together.
“What truth, Takimoto?”
“Simple. You are treating me like I’m fragile. Like I’m in danger of collapsing in front of you and having... another heart attack.”
Forcing those last few words out had been painful, but Hifumi needed to say them. The color began to drain from the Producer’s face as he tried to come up with an argument:
“Well, Takimoto, I can understand your suspicion but please. I merely want to make your first day at work comfortable. You were told to take it easy after the ‘incident’ after all.”
“Producer. Call it what it is.”
His eyebrow twitched. Hifumi couldn’t explain why, but seeing it began to irritate her. So she picked up the thought that lingered in her mind.
“I hope you don’t intend to continue this treatment. I for one don’t appreciate... being considered fragile.”
“I assure you, I had no…”
“No Producer, I’m afraid you do. Otherwise, you would not take such a distance and refuse to shake my hand. You wouldn’t be offering me refreshments and better conditions if you weren’t afraid that I might... make a formal complaint.”
That drained the remaining color from him, Hifumi using it to finish her point.
“I can assure you, the accident was caused by nothing else but my own faults. I do not think one should punish the whole company merely to avoid concerns of possible legal implications. I for one wasn’t under company insurance... back then.”
“I understand but still, I wasn’t intending on…”
Hifumi had enough. She leaned forward and hit the table surface as hard as she dared, causing the Producer to widen his eyes in shock.
“Producer, I will not repeat myself.” she began, letting her emotions for the first time take control over her against another, “I wish to be treated as any other employee in this company. If I require any additional assistance, I will let it be sorted out through my doctor. So please... cease these shortened work hours that you’ve enforced.”
“You want me to what?” he gasped in a dismayed voice, “But Takimoto, your health…”
“...will not be affected by reducing the hours I am permitted to work. It makes little sense in my view to enforce such rules on other employees purely because of my own mistakes.”
“Takimoto, you mustn't talk about your condition like that. The accident you suffered…”
“... was a result of my own ignorance, not the company’s. I am getting tired... so please arrange it that we can return to our usual work hours. The company… will otherwise only suffer in the long run.”
The producer leaned back in his chair, squeezing the bridge of his nose while having his eyes closed. Hifumi didn’t speak up, wanting to calm the light trembling in her chest. She had never done something like this before. To speak against someone, to correct them. The sensation of having guided the conversation, rather than merely be led along, filled her with a mixture of pride and fear. She had no idea what to expect now, after having talked down to the producer of all people. Hazuki might have forgiven her, knowing her character. Here however, she was treading on extremely thin ice. She feared seeing a flash of anger and a loud declaration of her being fired.
Hence, her own surprise when he sighed and faced her directly, looking more burdened than ever before.
“You are a remarkable woman, Takimoto. It would seem I’ve underestimated you.”
“I’m sorry?”
A smile slowly surfaced on him, somewhat unfitting given his appearance.
“I would only like to ask you one thing. Are you sure that you will be alright with the previous arrangement?”
“Yes.” she answered immediately, hanging on to her last thread of confidence to not falter, “If I find my health is unable to maintain the pace, I shall inform the company in due time. For now... I shall test myself and see.”
He nodded while making a slow full turn in his chair, regaining the energetic glint in his eyes as he finished the rotation.
“Very well. I shall allow the others to return to their usual working hours. You are excused Takimoto.”
“Thank you Producer. And a good day to you.”
Hifumi stood up and moved to leave, only to halt when his voice echoed in the room again.
“One more question if you don’t mind. What brought about this sudden change in attitude? I heard you were far more withdrawn beforehand. This proactive behavior is... new.”
Hifumi spent a good while unmoving, less for dramatic effect than that she couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer. She had merely wanted to go to work and see how well she was with handling her usual workload. Instead, she’d gone and talked down one of the top figures in the company for his decisions. Her mind raced with the attempt to find logical reasoning to her actions, only to find there weren’t.
At the same time, she felt her heart rate rise again, the sudden spike causing her to draw short breaths and grab the back of the chair she had just sat on. She turned halfway to the producer, unwillingly allowing him to see her panicked expression.
“Takimoto!” he exclaimed, rushing over to her side, “Are you alright? Shall I call…?”
Yet his words were silenced by her raised hand, glaring at him to be quiet. He took the message, staying at a distance as she followed her routine once more. Again and again, she controlled her breathing, until she felt that her heart had calmed down once more. Blinking a few times, she sighed and stood tall, facing the producer now with a resolute expression.
“I’m alright now. Just a small spell. They will happen from time to time, but I can control it mostly without help. I will inform the others about what to do should this happen again but rest assured. I will be fine.”
A significant weight dropped from the producer’s shoulders as he relaxed his posture. His eyes still carried some degree of concern, but it was overshadowed by relief.
“Thank God. I feared the worst.”
“It’s... normal to think that. But they are never a great danger unless I fail to control it.”
As Hifumi wiped her brow, she found her mind far calmer than before the panic attack. She sent a mental letter of thanks to Anders, only to have a thought strike her.
“Producer…”
The man glanced up as she gave a warm smile.
“Yes, Takimoto?”
“I think I know why... I feel so different these days.”
“Being?”
Her smile widened.
“I am very lucky to have a kind and patient caretaker to help me recover. They’ve been encouraging me from the very first day and have never left my side. Seeing how much effort they put into getting me back on my own feet, I felt the need to prove just how much I can improve. I’ve been able to take part in activities that were impossible for me before not because of physical limits, but because of my own fears. Being able to learn about the things I never got to experience before, I almost don’t feel unhappy about having had my heart attack.”
His eyebrows shot up, Hifumi believing for a demented second that they would fly off and touch the ceiling. They quickly returned to their normal position however as a low chuckle escaped him.
“I see. Then I suppose you have a lot to thank both yourself and your caretaker for. Send them my regards for having helped you recover so much in such a short time.”
He extended a hand, Hifumi eying it for a moment before grabbing it. They shook twice, the movement gentle but firm. As they let go, Hifumi found that she wasn’t looking at her superior, but just another person. He moved to the door and opened it for her, shouting out into the hallway:
“Hey you guys! Roll up your sleeves, we have a game to finish!”
He was swiftly intercepted by a hand striking his head, the perpetrator being none other than Hazuki who had stood right at the doorway. The producer groaned as he rubbed his skull, leaving Hifumi startled.
“If you yell in my ear one more time…” Hazuki grumbled with an irritated glare, before noticing Hifumi behind him. Her expression softened immediately as she pushed him aside and grabbed her hands with a concerned look.
“Takimoto, are you alright? He didn’t stress you out too much, did he?”
“I’m right here, why aren’t you asking me?”
“Shut up, you.” she snapped back at him. Hifumi couldn’t subdue her giggle, making both people stare at her.
“I’m fine, Hazuki. The producer promised to stop limiting the work hours from now.”
“I gathered.” she answered while glaring at the producer, who tried and failed to look innocent, “Did you realize what a fool you are with your decisions sometimes?”
No answer came from him, who retreated into his office with a grumble. Hazuki sighed as he closed the door behind himself.
“That man never listens. Anyway, Takimoto, did he really go back on his word?”
“Y-yeah. He was a bit...intense like you said, but I managed.”
“You realize that makes you a better person than me. I can’t be in the same room as him for longer than ten minutes before blowing a fuse. Makes me wonder just when he’s going to drop the bomb and fire me.”
Hifumi gave a dumbfounded look, never having heard something so personal from Hazuki before. She usually kept information about herself cryptic. They didn’t get to talk further though, Hifumi being swamped by Aoba and the others as they demanded to know what had happened.
